last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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