just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
