Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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