We're like a lot better than the average bears
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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