but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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