I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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