Sry I called you an 8
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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