No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
