Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
