It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
