I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My vagina just clenched in fear
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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