I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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