Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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