i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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