i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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