i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
