Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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