2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
