You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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