Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
