i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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