If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
