Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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