you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
