And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
