Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
