Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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