Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
