I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
