Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
