4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
