He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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