i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
