drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
