its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
