Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
