she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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