absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im six kinds of drunk right now
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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