I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
