she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she looked like the before picture.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
