Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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