I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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