I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
