when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
