I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
