based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
