he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
