everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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