It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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