hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
