I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
