i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
